Another thing you might expect after going no-contact with a narcissist is that they’ll use other people to get to you. They may do it by manipulating other people to keep tabs on you. They might ask people to keep an eye on you, or they might ask people to report back what’s going on in your life.
It might sound like it would be difficult for them to get other people to do this—but unfortunately for a narcissist, it’s not very difficult. They’re good at manipulating people this way, and they usually have people who are ready and willing to do their bidding. These are what we call “flying monkeys.”
Now, let’s look at one of your comments, and then I’ll talk through this example. This commenter says:
“My narc mom has used extended family members to spy on me or just do her bidding—being toxic. Been on no-contact for a long time now, and I am more used to living without her in my life. A few times we had to be in each other’s presence—family events—and I was beyond uncomfortable.”
So a narcissistic mother will find it very easy to manipulate people into spying on her children. All she has to do is play the victim—to imply that the child is going through some crazy phase and hates her, and she’s done nothing wrong.
Another thing a narcissist may do after you go no-contact is spread lies about you. These can be blatant, in-your-face lies. Oftentimes when this happens, it’s for the purpose of getting to you and getting a reaction out of you, because they know it’s a lie. You know it’s a lie.
If you happen to hear it, you’ll want to confront them—because why would they think they could spread such blatant, in-your-face lies? But if you confront them, you are giving them exactly what they’re after.
They were spreading the lies because they wanted you to come back and confront them. Remember, narcissists don’t always want positive attention. Negative attention is fine for them too. They’re perfectly happy with the drama—as long as they’re pulling your strings.
One thing you might expect is cryptic messages that smear your name. They might not be so cryptic either. It might be where they’re posting something and they’re not actually mentioning your name, but everybody knows who they’re talking about. This happens very often.
Let’s look at a comment that illustrates this really well. “Part of no-contact was removing myself from social media altogether once his smear campaign erupted. Once you do that, they can’t get at you. I haven’t missed a bit. I connect via email and in person, and this protective order keeps him far away from me. Howling in the wind. It’s a very peaceful place.”
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