Usually this looks something like, “If you loved me, you’d do this.” Or maybe they have a sob story or some kind of victim story coming back to you, implying that you could have saved them or helped them if only you were in contact with them.
Really, what they’re doing here is trying to make you feel guilty—trying to make you feel responsible for their life somehow and their happiness. But you are not responsible for someone else’s life and someone else’s happiness.
All right, once again, let’s go to the comments and see what you guys have to say about this.
This commenter is quoting their ex narcissist: “We aren’t committed, so it’s not cheating. If you loved me, you’d be happy I have friends who care about me. I could go on and on.”
“He’s attempting to hoover now, and I’d be lying if I didn’t want to take him back so I can send proof to the new girl.”
Another thing you might expect when you go no-contact with a narcissist is that they might show up out of the blue if they know you’re going to be somewhere. This is what we call the “quote-unquote encounter.” It sounds like a chance encounter, but it’s not really a chance—it’s planned. It’s manipulation.
They want to pretend that they just happened to be in the area, or they just happen to be somewhere they knew you were going to be.
So if you go to a specific church at a specific time, they’re going to show up at that mass. If they know you do your grocery shopping on a certain day of the week at a certain time of day, they’ll show up there, too. And yes, they may show up every day until they finally get that chance encounter.
Usually this one is for the purposes of a hoovering attempt. They’re trying to get an emotional reaction out of you. They’re trying to test the waters and see how you react when you see them.
But if you’ve gone no-contact, it’s extremely intrusive—and it can be very, very off-putting.
If you want to avoid this one, I would say try to switch things up. Change your routine—at least for the first few months after going no-contact if you can. I’m not suggesting you completely change your life, but if you want to avoid the chance encounter, it’s probably a good idea to make some changes to your routine.
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