today’s questions are about narcissists as they grow older. Questions include: How do they adjust to aging? Do they change? If so, do they change for the better, or do they just get worse? Other questions include: What happens to those around them—friends, families, partners, ex-partners, and even their children? What do they experience as the narcissist ages? These are not necessarily easy questions to answer, as I believe there will always be exceptions, which I will address towards the end of the article. For today, I’m going to discuss some of the common experiences narcissistic people have as they grow older and how they might react to them.
Aging Narcissists
First of all, if they didn’t make any real connections with people when they were younger, meaningful friendships or relationships may have simply ended. Those people may have moved on or even abandoned them for their own safety. Like everyone else, they can experience loneliness and depression. However, there remains a need for attention, validation, and affirmation. They may use whatever qualities or wealth they have accumulated over the years to reel others into their lives or try to bring them back.
Around middle age, many narcissistic individuals experience denial. They can be quite vain, believing themselves to be drop-dead gorgeous and very physically attractive, which they may well be. The thought of losing those looks as they grow older can be difficult to accept. Many narcissistic individuals become touchy about their age in middle age. Some might attempt to reverse aging through expensive anti-aging products, dyeing their hair, or dressing to appear younger. Others may seek out younger partners or have affairs with younger people. It’s not uncommon for narcissistic mothers to try to look more like their daughters. They may enjoy hearing that they look like sisters. Some may even flirt with or try to seduce their daughters’ boyfriends.
Narcissistic fathers may demand a high level of respect based on their perceived seniority, seeing themselves not just as the heads of the household but the heads of the family. They may believe that their wisdom and experience hold more value than that of their adult children, even trying to outdo their sons by bragging about their own achievements at the same age.
Some may bask in the glory of their children’s accomplishments, despite having previously held them back, criticized, or sabotaged them. They may take credit for their children’s success, claiming, “That’s all because of me.” If there are difficulties between them and their adult children, and that adult child has a partner with strong boundaries, the narcissist might try to bypass them and communicate directly with their grandchildren. They may buy mobile phones for the grandchildren so they can be contacted, or try to buy their love with gifts, often leading to the parents appearing to be the villains, which can fit into the narcissist’s plans.
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