But one more thing I want to say about this before we move on to the next thing is that we can get really wrapped up in our own stories—our narratives about how this situation is affecting us. But there’s more to any story. If you take a step back and look at it objectively, you can see things for what they really are.
So imagine you’re in a relationship with someone. You just got engaged, and your fiancé is sending that “accidental” text to throw it in that person’s face. How would you feel? Does that sound like a situation you would want to be in? Because I don’t know about you, but it doesn’t sound like something I would want.
Another thing you might expect after going no-contact with a narcissist is to have old pictures pop up. This might happen on social media. You might see that they start posting old pictures, or they might be sending them to you via text, direct message, or email—however they choose to get to you.
These are pictures of happier times. This is to bring up feelings of nostalgia and get you to remember the times that just weren’t so bad.
And if you take the bait, you’ll start reminiscing and thinking about the times you actually enjoyed spending with this person. It’s very difficult to think about the bad and the good at the exact same time.
So if you’ve just gone no-contact, you’re probably already in a vulnerable place. Then when you get the pictures, you’re in an even more vulnerable place—because regardless of what you were thinking before, when you see those pictures, they’re going to bring up feelings. And that puts you in an even more vulnerable position.
So when they follow up with whatever they follow up with, you’re much more likely to take the bait.
Of course, a lot of you have dealt with this one, and we’re going to look at a comment from one of you. This commenter says:
“I have an ex. I’m not sure if he’s a narcissist or not. Certainly has a lot of the traits. Once when I wanted to leave him behind for good, he sent me a bunch of our old travel pictures together—also childhood images about himself when he was a small, cute baby. He said he just coincidentally found these and wanted to share them with me. The whole thing was preposterously obvious as manipulation, but unfortunately I fell for it at the time, especially because of the cute baby pigs. The problem was emotionally he was—and still is—a baby today.”
So it sounds like this person took the bait and regretted it. And that’s a common theme you’ll find with relationships like this. If you go no-contact and you end up taking the bait, you are almost definitely going to regret it.
Now, I’ve mentioned before: these are very personal and difficult decisions. So if you go no-contact and then decide that it’s not right for you—that you really want or need to have some contact with this person in your life—again, no judgment.
But if you let the other person manipulate you into contact, that’s when you’re going to regret your decision.
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