This is an incredibly sickening behavior to watch. Inside the house, the narcissist cries poverty all the time. They tell you to turn off the lights, skip meals, and stop spending. My father did it all the time. But the absolute second they step outside the front door, they turn into a king. They will buy expensive dinners for random co-workers. They will lend large amounts of cash to strangers. They will donate to charities just to get their name printed on a shiny plaque.
Why do they do this? Because the problem was never a lack of money. The problem was that they did not want their own family to feel secure. They buy respect from the outside world using the exact same money they refuse to spend on their own children.
Six: they create artificial financial helplessness in the family.
A narcissist makes sure that nobody around them knows the full financial picture. They intercept the mail. They change the passwords to the bank accounts. And they refuse to talk about their money. The minute you bring it up, all hell breaks loose.
They do not do this because they are private people. They do this because a family that knows the truth is much harder to control. If you do not know how much money is coming into the house, you cannot argue about how it is being spent. They keep you completely in the dark. They want you to be totally dependent, constantly confused, and terrified of the future.
When you are financially blindfolded, you have to hold onto their hand just to walk through life, right? And that is exactly the power they want over you.
Number seven, and the last one: they keep a secret emergency fund only for themselves.
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