Now, to be clear: in any relationship, stonewalling can be the emotional equivalent of cutting off someone’s oxygen. The silent treatment is a passive-aggressive behavior by which a toxic perpetrator communicates some sort of negative message to their intended target, specifically. And they do this through nonverbal communication that often only the perpetrator and the target recognize or understand. Often, no one else sees, feels, or even notices—which serves the narcissist beautifully.
And to be clear, this is a manipulation tactic commonly used by the narcissist in an attempt to maintain the upper hand in the relationship. When a narcissist gives you the silent treatment, it is meant to devalue you. It’s meant to send a very clear message, and their intent is to hurt you deeply if they can. So don’t kid yourself. They want you to feel invisible and worthless.
Furthermore, it also serves as a way to manipulate and control you. That’s right. The primary intended purpose of the silent treatment is to provoke an emotional reaction and manipulate you into jumping through hoops—trying to win back their attention and approval.
Believe me, this is precisely why narcissists use the silent treatment and will often give others the cold shoulder, treating them with unprovoked and unwarranted contempt and disdain. They assume you will be just as bothered by this passive-aggressive tactic as they would be.
And when you aren’t the least bit phased—when you don’t fall right into line, dancing like a puppet on strings to the beat of their drum—they’ll be sure to take it to the next level. Narcissists are nothing if not predictable. And once you spot the pattern and realize you’ve been caught in this abuse cycle, the thing you need to accept is that this toxic person is not going to change. Once this nonsense begins, it doesn’t get better—not in any real or lasting way.
If it looks like things are improving in the short term, understand that’s temporary, and you are being manipulated and lied to, so you’ll stay in the game.
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