Narcissists like predictability because predictability makes it easy for them to control you. That’s why they’re so calculated—and that’s why they know that if they say something specific, it will trigger a specific, interconnected reaction in you.
They know how to make you feel angry. They know how to make you feel sad. They even think they know what you’ll do if they act in a certain way.
But if you take them by surprise—if you do something at the last moment, and they can’t really read you or predict you—it shocks them. When things happen in the moment, and you do something they weren’t prepared for, they’re at risk of being exposed.
A narcissist doesn’t want to be exposed. And when, at the last moment, you present an argument or hold your cool, or you don’t react, it debilitates them—because they don’t have the tools to deal with that.
That’s when the narcissist is shaken to their core: since there’s no predictability, there’s no control.
Number three: When you discard them, and the tables get flipped on them
They lose their mind.
Narcissists don’t want to be ignored, and they don’t like to be discarded. They feel entitled to be the ones who “throw you away” as an object.
But if you’re the one who discarded the narcissist, congratulations—you gave the narcissist their biggest punishment and injury.
A narcissist can’t accept that they were taken for granted—that their existence felt so small to you that you simply left. It makes them question their worth and their “omnipotence,” because they like to believe they’re all-powerful, impenetrable, and immune.
But your act of leaving them is what sets them off.
That’s why they hoover you—not because they want to change or want your love back. They want their supply back. They want to prove to themselves that they aren’t as weak as your leaving made them feel.
So if you’ve already left and they’re hoovering you, don’t give them any chance. Don’t make the mistake of thinking, “I did the right thing, so it’s fine.”
And if they’re promising things—and you can see “change” that you always wanted to see—remember: that’s often just an attempt to please you and bring you back.
They’ve been seriously and devastatingly injured in their ego. So keep moving on, and don’t look back.
Number four: Self-righteousness and rigidity
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