You’ll also usually be accused of being insensitive, selfish, inattentive, or uncaring. And now all of a sudden you’re defending yourself for something no human being is capable of doing. Over time, this becomes incredibly destabilizing.
You begin trying to anticipate everything—analyzing tone, body language, subtle shifts in mood—constantly trying to stay one step ahead. You begin walking on eggshells, trying to get it right before anything is even said.
And when you inevitably fail—because it’s impossible not to—you’re met with anger, criticism, emotional withdrawal, or even narcissistic rage.
And before you know it, you are apologizing for things you never did. Taking responsibility for emotions that were never yours—and slowly losing your sense of what is reasonable and what is not.
What makes this even more damaging is that it trains your nervous system to stay in a constant state of hypervigilance. You are no longer relaxed in the relationship. You’re scanning, monitoring, adjusting, and trying to prevent the next emotional reaction before it even happens.
And that level of tension over time is exhausting. It wears you down mentally, emotionally, and even physically. And the more you try to get it right, the more impossible it becomes, because the rules are always changing. And that is not by accident, you guys. That instability is part of the control.
The second delusion is that they are deserving of being worshiped.
Narcissists genuinely believe that the people in their lives exist to serve them. Their needs come first. Their comfort comes first. Their emotions come first. And everything in the environment should revolve around them. And they do not see this as unreasonable. They see it as justified. They see it as the natural order of things.
They do not see other people as fully separate individuals with their own inner world. Instead, they see people as extensions of themselves—tools, sources of validation, and supply.
And if you grew up in this kind of environment, like I did, and you have a narcissistic parent, it can feel normal, because you were conditioned to believe that your role was to keep them happy—to adjust yourself around them—and to prioritize their needs over your own. And we can even start to believe that this is love. But that is not love. That is control. That is not a relationship. That is an abusive hierarchy.
Over time, this creates a very one-sided emotional dynamic where your needs become secondary, then optional, and eventually almost non-existent. You may find yourself feeling guilty for having needs at all. You may hesitate to speak up, ask for support, or express discomfort, because you’ve been conditioned to believe that doing so is selfish.
And that is one of the most heartbreaking parts of this dynamic. You begin abandoning yourself in order to maintain the relationship.
The third delusion is that they are the victim.
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