Consider Sarah, a PhD candidate whose advisor was purposefully delaying her graduation. She became frustrated and began looking for a job, but she was aware that telling her advisor the truth would lead to sabotage.
She therefore created a parallel story. She made the ideal justification by using her 65-year-old mother’s diabetes as a cover: it was emotionally compelling and hard to refute.
Her advisor had to concur. “My student had to step away for family matters,” he even said to others. He had always enjoyed appearing sympathetic in public; in private, Sarah subtly undermined his authority while feeding his public persona as a wise and kind person.
After landing the position, she went into the administration of the university and made her demands clear: either hold her defence this month or she walks. They immediately complied, fearing a possible damage to their reputation.
Sarah changed from a position of weakness to one of total leverage by controlling information instead of arguing.
You give a blank map when you stop expressing your intentions and thoughts. The narcissist has no leverage and cannot predict your actions without a map.
- They should be confused and offended by your contentment.
A narcissist is someone who worships suffering.
They feed off of suffering, grievances, and deprivation.
You’re inviting them to become the critic by whining and complaining. to cover your wounds with salt.
You don’t display any wounds or deficiencies that cause you grief.
You turn into a stronghold of satisfaction.
You seem thankful to God, content with your life, and joyful in the little things.
They will show up with their large container of psychological salt, prepared to apply it to your scars and fears, only to discover that you are composed of sunshine coated in Teflon.
When someone doesn’t complain, they can’t deal with them.
A narcissist would prefer to be despised than ignored, and your satisfaction makes them feel unimportant.
Narcissist: “You appear elderly.” Your entire head has turned grey.
You: “I thank God for giving me forty-five years of life.”
- You Refuse Little Requests
Little requests from narcissists are never about the request itself. These are tests of compliance. These are low-risk probes to see if the control system is still in operation.
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