Have you ever wondered why certain people seem to effortlessly resist manipulation? Or if there’s some kind of secret force field that repels narcissists, signaling that you’re not a person to mess with? If you find yourself wanting to please others, feeling emotionally drained, or worrying about what other people think of you, a narcissist might be pulling the strings.
Person Number One: The Truth Teller
Have you ever felt punished for saying what’s true, or that you’d be ostracized if you don’t go along with someone else’s lie? If so, you might be the first type of person that a narcissist cannot tolerate: the truth teller. A narcissist lives in a fantasy world where they appear wonderful, powerful, smart, beautiful, or like a wounded victim. Whatever their story of grandiosity or vulnerability is, they need you to validate their fantasy. They look for a high level of agreeableness that signals a willingness to conform to their desires or narratives.
They might test you with small lies or exaggerations to gauge your reaction, revealing the truth teller immediately. Maybe you raise an eyebrow, ask a question that digs a bit deeper, or challenge their lies outright. Any hint that you will not comply makes you a direct threat. On the flip side, if you consistently agree and do not challenge their fabrications, you’re seen as an easy target.
As empathetic people, we prioritize kindness and politeness to the extent that our own truths may be overshadowed by the desire to accommodate others. This trait makes us particularly susceptible to being used by narcissists, who prey on our willingness to conform or avoid conflict. We often miss red flags because we have a natural desire to see the good in others and give the benefit of the doubt, sometimes to our own detriment.
But why would anyone go against their own truth? In some families, this is expected. When my mom was in a rage, her favorite line was, “Are you calling me a liar?” daring anyone to go against her. I was terrified of her wrath, so I would consciously agree with her, no matter how irrational her accusations were. Being compliant was a survival strategy as a child, but it became a huge liability as an adult because it kept me stuck in a pattern of attracting narcissists. I had to intentionally unlearn my over-agreeableness, and over time, I found that being a truth teller offers more formidable protection for me and those I love.
Strategy for Empowerment: Subtle Dissent Method
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