Now, we come to emotional triggers. When you’re a victim of narcissistic abuse, some of your belongings can act like emotional landmines, triggering memories of past trauma. Seeing a certain item might suddenly bring back feelings you’d rather avoid, making cleaning feel impossible. As trauma expert Dr. Bessel van der Kolk says, “The body keeps the score,” meaning those memories are stored in your body and can come rushing back with the wrong object. Consider this tip: start by focusing on items that feel safe or neutral for you. Little by little, you can create a space that feels comfortable without being overwhelmed by the past.
Inconsistent Routines
If you’ve been through narcissistic abuse, you might notice that your cleaning routines feel inconsistent. This makes it tough to build healthy habits. One day you might clean like a champ, and the next you might just want to bury yourself under a pile of laundry. As habits expert James Clear puts it, “You do not rise to the level of your goals; you fall to the level of your systems.” This means that without a consistent routine, it’s hard to make cleaning feel like a regular part of your life. Try starting small, like setting a timer for just five minutes to tidy up one area. By making it a little daily habit, you’ll find it easier to establish a routine that works for you over time.
Perceived Futility
Moving on to perceived futility. If you’ve been a victim of narcissistic abuse, you might feel like cleaning is just a waste of time because you believe it won’t make a difference in the long run. You might think, “Why bother? It’ll just get messy again.” This feeling is called perceived futility, and it can sap your motivation. Sometimes, just starting with small tasks can help shift that mindset. When you see even a little bit of progress, it can show you that change is possible, even if it feels slow. So maybe pick one spot to clean today—just one. You might be surprised at how good it feels to create even a tiny change in your space.
Reduced Self-Worth
Here comes reduced self-worth due to trauma. When you’ve experienced narcissistic abuse, it can hurt your self-worth, making it hard to feel motivated to take care of yourself—even when it comes to cleaning. As therapist Brené Brown says, “You are imperfect; you are wired for struggle, but you are also worthy of love and belonging.” Remember, self-care isn’t just about cleaning; it’s about recognizing that you deserve a healthy and happy space. Little actions can help you reclaim that sense of worth. Remember: you matter and deserve to live in a place that feels good for you.
Fear of Taking Ownership
Many victims shy away from cleaning up after experiencing narcissistic abuse because it feels like a huge responsibility. Cleaning means you’re taking ownership of your space, which can be intimidating when your feelings and boundaries have been constantly undermined. As Dr. Judith Orloff, a psychiatrist, says, “Healing from emotional trauma requires reclaiming your space and your sense of self.” It’s not just about dust and clutter; it’s about stepping back into your power, which can be a big deal.
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