This is my favorite aspect. I call it the late bloomer effect. This is a phenomenon I love to see in survivors. Narcissists usually peak in high school or their 30s; they are essentially stuck in their glory days. If you listen to an aging narcissist, they are always talking about the past: “Oh, remember when I was… Remember when I did…” They live in a museum of their own history.
But for you, you likely spent your youth in survival mode. You spent your 20s and 30s managing their moods, walking on eggshells, and suppressing your own needs. This means your 40s, 50s, 60s, and beyond become your time to bloom. We see empaths suddenly taking up painting, solo traveling, engaging in psychotherapy, or even becoming psychotherapists themselves in their later years.
There’s a burst of creativity and joy that comes from finally putting down the heavy burden of the narcissist’s ego. You get to be the teenager you never were, but with the wisdom of an adult and the financial freedom to enjoy it, while they rot in the past or in their grave.
You discover that your capacity for joy did not die during the abuse; it was just in hibernation. And now that the winter is over, you are blooming.
I want to leave you with this thought: The narcissist spent their life building a monument to themselves, but monuments are cold stone and lonely. They are meant to be looked at, not held. You spent your life, even through the pain, building a garden. You planted seeds of kindness, watered them with tears, and pruned the dead branches of toxicity.
Gardens take a long time to grow. For a while, it looked like nothing was happening. But now? Now is the harvest. Do not fear getting older. For the narcissist, age is a tragedy. But for you, if you do the healing work, age is victory.
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