“The Document Heist.” Over the next few weeks, you are going to digitally photograph every important document you own: passport, birth certificate, social security card, car title, bank statements, tax returns. Upload these photos to a cloud storage drive—Google Drive, Dropbox—connected to your new secret email. Narcissists love to hold documents hostage. You want to leave? Good luck getting a job without your birth certificate. If you have digital copies, you have power.
“The Squirrel Fund.” You need money. If you have a joint bank account, assume that money is already gone. The second they sniff you leaving, they will drain it; it happens every time. You need to start siphoning cash. Get cash back at the grocery store: $20 here, $50 there. If you can, open a completely separate bank account at a different bank than the one you use now. Opt out of paper statements; everything goes to the burner phone. This might take months—that’s okay. The Backup Method is not a sprint; it’s a slow-motion heist.
Phase Four, “The Social Firewall.” Now, we have to talk about people. The narcissist has likely isolated you. They’ve told you your friends hate you, or they’ve told your family you’re the crazy one. Or worse, they are charming your family: “I don’t know why she’s acting like this, Mom. I’m just trying to help her.” You need to identify your leaks. There is a term in this community called “flying monkeys.” In The Wizard of Oz, the witch didn’t chase Dorothy herself; she sent the monkeys. The narcissist will use mutual friends to spy on you and guilt-trip you.
“The Test.” Before you tell anyone your plan, give them a test piece of information. Tell a friend something harmless but specific: “I’m thinking of taking a pottery class on Tuesdays.” If the narcissist mentions pottery or Tuesday nights to you three days later, you know that friend is a leak. Cut them off. You need exactly one or two people who are vaults. If you don’t have them in real life, you need to find them online. There are forums, subreddits, and support groups filled with people who have PhDs in being treated like garbage. They will believe you. Validation from others is the antidote to gaslighting. When you say, “He got mad that I breathed too loud,” and they say, “Yeah, mine did that, too,” it reminds you that you aren’t crazy—you’re just being abused.
Continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
Leave a Comment