Let’s start with step one: the false advertisement. This is the bait. During the love-bombing phase, the narcissist likely presented himself as the ultimate alpha protector. He probably told you, “I’ll take care of everything. Don’t worry.” He may have been generous with money, charming with waiters, or decisive about plans. This was a costume. He mirrored what he thought a man should look like to trap you. But once the hook was set, the costume came off. The moment the relationship became real, he initiated the great resignation. Slowly, he started abdicating his throne. He stopped planning dates, handling crises, and checking the noise downstairs in the middle of the night. He began to view the relationship not as a partnership but as a foster home. He didn’t want a partner to build an empire with; he wanted a mommy to manage his life so he could revert to childhood. He tricked you, selling you a vision of a king, but you moved in with a man who believes he is entitled to a palace.
Step Two: Weaponized Incompetence
Step number two is weaponized incompetence. This is the training period and the most manipulative tool in his arsenal—how he trains you to take over his responsibilities. Weaponized incompetence is when a fully capable adult pretends not to know how to do certain things or does them so poorly that you’ll never ask again. Let’s say you ask him to do the laundry because you’re sick or need to take care of the baby. A normal partner would say, “Sure,” and do it. The narcissist will do it, but he’ll accidentally wash your favorite white silk blouse with his red socks. When you get upset, he plays the victim, saying, “I tried to help. You’re never satisfied. I can’t do anything right for you, can I?” You lose a shirt, feel upset, yet he’s the one demanding an apology. What lesson does your brain learn from this? If you ask him to help, it creates more chaos. It’s easier if you just do it yourself. He knows this very well, and he’s counting on it. He intentionally fails so that you’ll fire him from being a husband. He wants you to lower your expectations to zero, believing he’s helpless so that you feel guilty asking him to lift a finger.
Step Three: The Crisis Vacuum
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