They read your deep emotional text messages, leave you on “read,” and immediately go post on social media. When you finally realize they are not going to answer the phone, you may write a long, deep text message. You pour your entire heart out trying to explain your pain or ask for basic decency. Handing a narcissist your deep feelings is like handing them a delicate, beautiful glass ornament. Instead of holding it safely, they look you dead in the eye and drop it on the concrete floor through the phone. This looks like the agonizing “read” receipt. They will open your long, painful message, completely ignore you, and immediately open a social media app to post a happy, smiling picture of themselves. They want you to see them online. Their phone is in their hand and they have plenty of energy to engage with the world. They are publicly proving that everyone else matters, but you are entirely invisible.
But they do not always ignore you. Sometimes a narcissist will actually use their keyboard to reply—but only when they want to create absolute chaos. Number three: they start a panic-inducing argument over text and then completely turn their phone off. Out of absolutely nowhere, they will send you a highly aggressive text message. They will falsely accuse you of something terrible, twist your words, and trigger a massive wave of anxiety in your chest. Your heart starts pounding, your hands start shaking, and you immediately start typing long paragraphs to defend yourself and explain the truth. The exact second you hit send on your defense, the narcissist simply turns their phone off and goes to sleep.
This is exactly like walking into a crowded building, pulling the fire alarm, locking all the doors from the outside, and walking away to comfortably eat a sandwich while you are trapped inside panicking. They hijacked your nervous system, flooded your body with stress, and then completely walked away from the mess they made, leaving you drowning in anxiety for the rest of the night. This psychological torture does not only happen when you’re apart. It happens when you’re sitting right next to them.
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