The second sign is something I call the driveway decompression. This is a behavior that seems innocent at first, but once you see it for what it is, you can never unsee it. You may notice that when they come home from work or the gym, they do not come inside. They pull into the driveway or the garage, turn off the engine, and then they just sit there. You may be watching them from the window, noticing the glow of their phone screen lighting up their face. They sit there for 15, 20, or 30 minutes. If you go outside and tap on the window to say hello, they don’t smile; they jump, looking startled and then immediately annoyed. They roll down the window and snap, “Can I just have 5 minutes of peace before I have to deal with this house? Why are you always watching me?”
They frame this as decompressing, telling you that they’re just tired from work and need a moment before stepping into the chaos of the relationship that you created. It makes you feel guilty, like you’re a burden they need to take a break from. But that’s not what’s happening. They aren’t decompressing; they’re switching characters. You must understand that the person they are with the new supply is not the same person they are with you.
With the new supply, they are charming, funny, patient, and available. With you, they are cold, irritable, and distant. That time in the car is the shift change. They’re finishing up their text conversations with the other supply, deleting call logs, sending that last “Goodnight, I can’t talk for a bit” message, and mentally taking off the lover mask to put on the annoyed partner mask. They need that buffer time to get their story straight and to lower their energy before they face you. They’re literally shifting gears between their victims.
Sign 3: Friday Afternoon Explosions
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